WINTER CHOIR CONCERT

Today was an awesome day since i didnt have anything to do at school nor home. Exam week is getting near and all i have to study for is aquatic science :D

Tonight, i went to perform at my school Choir Winter Conert, it was amazing, i think we did really good :). And every thing was fun lol..."On the first day of christmas and my tru love gave to me ........." lol that was funny. On stage it was definitely a little bit nerve wrecking but we pulled it through and yeahh we nailed it ;) 

GOOD JOB GUYS, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

Boring sunday

SUNDAY, i did not do A THING today except for being a slut online. urghhh cant believe i sold myself out there that easy. Everyone makes mistake right ? so never again for me.
I supposed to do Homework but i chose to say fuck that shit lol Homework

I was on facebook and i saw a link from Ashley Tisdale , it's about a boy name Jonah- Whats goin on...

I cant help it but to make a video for him To Jonah with the hope that he sees this and somehow it gives him hope to go on with life :).

Moods

Right now my head isn't in the right place, i will use music to describe my feeling.

Fighter  Hurt  Skyscrapper  Fever

Love

A video about my love life :)
Love Love Love

The Feelings of Christmas

Today was an awesome day for me even though in the morning i had to take so many quizzes. And somehow i got hyper and the rest of the day was just awesome :). Kari gave me these tickets to go see these houses that they decorated all fancy for Christmas. OH MY GOD, they were sooooooooooo BIG and BEAUUUTFIFUL, but so disappointed i cant take pictures because they wouldn't let me. Every houses looked differently, and they decorated each room. These houses got game room, gym room, study room, and mini bar, and theater and big ass closets...OMG SUCHHH a dream house. I totally loved it. I'd LOVE to live in a house like that but unfortunately the money matter isss the matter. However, my parents are planning on getting a house soon so im pretty excited about that :). I really hope that it's a nice house where it as alot of windows haha i love windows and lights n stuff. 

The Real World

When i say "The Real World" i usually think of something very competitive, dramatic, wonderful and independence.

Competitive : It is a harsh place out there, where people try and try to be the best or to be on top, and they do whatever it takes to get to that place. They don't care about anything, they just want to be something you're not, something that's more powerful than you are. 

Dramatic : Life is dramatic itself, and real life probably like a freaking show opera. We gotta deal with relationships and friendships and obnoxious annoying random people on the street that piss us off. However, in the end, you gotta stand your ground, you gotta fight back, keep strong and be proud :) 

Wonderful : It is a wonderful world out there, there are things that will please you, things that will makes you happy, things that complete you and people that love you.It's your life, so you create it and live it the way you want it 

Independence : JOB, the first word came to my mind when i say independence, being independence is difficult and fun at the same time.You have fun being by yourself , do whatever you want and no one can tell you other wise, but there are times and places for that.  Besides the fun, you gotta know how to make a living, get a decent job and live life however you want, best thing about being independence :) 

Why did i talk about this ? Well simply because today i went out and got a bunch of applications that im going to turn in tomorrow lol, i got rue21, XXI, J-Crew, i was going to get gap and express but i forgot to walk pass the place and it was kinda late so i went home. I really really hope *crosses fingers* that one of these store would call me back for an one on one interview and hire me right there and then, that'd be amazing. 

Could not forget about this. Today,i saw a youtube video of this guy name Zach Wahls and he was giving a speech about gay marriage, how he was raised by 2 lesbians and he grew up just fine and even a really really inspirational and good guy . Take a look 

Zach Wahls Speaks About Family

John's Corner

Since it is Wednesday and there was nothing that actually stands out today, i'd like to leave this time and space and spots and stuff for what i like to call "THINGS I LIKE".........OHHH SHIT. There are ALOT of things that john likes

1st- FOOD (this dish right here.....i just wanna....yummmmm, god i want some steaks now)

2nd- CLOTHES/FASHION( i love to go shopping and get new clothes, i'ts like an orgasm for me everytime i try something on and they end up looking sooo goood on me )

3rd- MOVIES( I LOVEE watching movie, im basically a movie addict, i wouldn't mind spending most of my day watching something :), this movie down here is my MOST FAVORITE OF ALL TIME. Great great great movie, if you haven't seen it......you have NOT lived...)

4th- FRIENDS( friends as in real friends not the show lol..though i love the show. Anyways, friends play an important part in my life because without them i dont know what i would do in this world)

5th- STARBUCKS( this is basically my second home, that's all i gotta say)

Well thats all i can think of for now, i like more more other things. But anyways, imma go take a shower, and then watch ANTM ALL STARS woot woot. 

Commitment

Well it's been 2 days and i've worked out all two.. Im pretty proud of myself as of for right now:). I need to keep this up though, it really is NOT easy, it takes alot of commitments and determinations. Therefore this time around, i want to keep this going until ....god knows when.

1st- to get in shape(the body i've been dreaming about)

<---------OMG WHO IS THIS HOTNESS ???  ALEX PETTYFER.  #wannabang xD















2nd- to be healthy and active

3rd- to seduce them boys ;)

Latter Days ( AWESOME MOVIE, NO JOKES)














YUP that's one of my goal in life :D KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK JOHN.

We Need More Days Like These :)

Average day. The whole day i was being mind fucked by the laziness, trying to fight back and determined to get my ass to the gym. YAY got my work out schedule allllll planed out, i was so fucking happy. Turned on the treadmills, " aight imma just warm up with slow walking.....hayyy im proud of myself,.................aight it's time to run the hell outta this bitch, turned the speed up to 6.5 , wooo wooo yeahhh imma runn ...........STOPPED.......WTF the treadmills stopped by itself, on the little screen said initiated, unable to restart, shut down." -_- MOTHER JESUSS.........

But i managed to think about something else that i can do for cardio. Guess what ? " JUST DANCE" hahahaha i danced for around 30 minutes i was sweating like a bitch but it wasnt over yet. After that i did boxing and it was awesome, my day was semi complete.

Mom suggested to go eat out. FUCK YEAHHHH. we went to Ryan's and it was goooood, the steak was awesome and everything was awesome, and i ate like a PIG -_- but burbed them all out afterward and ....a little bit of farting. lol lol lol.Then we went to TJ MAX and we bought these snuggies omg they're soooo warm and comfy, and i bought a cologne :D

<------ my new cologne it smells like SHEX.

WE SERIOUSLY DO NEED MORE DAYS LIKE THESE :)
-joking around with my parents weren't so bad after all-

Lingerie

Things that you keep holding on to and don't have the strength to let go.
Keep coming back for more and in the end you gain nothing.
All you're doing is holding on to something that doesn't worth anything.
All you're doing is destroying the happiness inside you.
You've gotta break out of this emotional place.
Let the tears flow back inside, swallow painful feelings.
Take a deep new breath of life and channel the tingling happiness inside.
Take it to a place where it can stay there forever and ever
Where there's no pain, no heart breaking and no feelings of lugubrious.

Damaged

It's my heart. It's my heart that is damaged so much for stupid reasons. I don't deserve to be miserable or depressed about things that don't even worth my times nor energy nor mind. I dumped myself into a place or more like an emotional realm that actually existed somewhere in me. 

It all began with "Katy Gay Community", googled it and websites pop up. Let me explain a little about being gay. It's so lonely, you cant find someone to talk to, someone to be your friends that you can actually relate to, someone that is going through the same thing as you are, someone that truly understand your feelings. So out of desperation for someone, i found this website on google called Outboard, it is a website for people that ski who are gay and lesbians all around the world, but guess what, people take adventage of that and sign up to just find friends and hook ups. Well of course, i did the same thing since i knew no other websites, and this one actually look trusted. Found tons of people up there, talked to alot of people to and started to develope feelings to some people. It was like the new thing for me, having all these bubly and butterflies in my stomach when i talk to this guy named Ethan who turned out to not really interested in me because of my desperation for his attention. That was my fault for rushing things too fast, only 2 days and bam bam i felt like i needa run to him .Heart broken he turned me down, he ignored me and yup that was it with Ethan, who i thought i could actually meet and start a relationship with. Days went on and i became addicted to this website, i mean it's where i can find hot cute gay guys that i can talk to and relate to like i've been always wanted one . However, it was not how i thought it'd be, i became emotionally destructive, i start to question myself if i was good enough or good looking enough for these people, and is this going to be the same in the real world too ? where everyone will ignore me because i am ........ ugly. The answer truly is NO, i realized this soo many time that this website doesnt do me any good but only destroy my heart, and i know that i am something, i am special and i deserve better than this, but for some strange reason, i keep coming back for more. Being gay is really lonely at around my age, you dont know where to turn to and who to look up to, it is all a mess. Today, Right now, right here, i want to promise myself that, never again will i ever sign up for these websites again anyyy time soon, and start to concentrate on my well being, my life and what reality has to offer instead of tapping my eyes my mind and my emotion to this pointless website that doesn't do me any good. "Life isn't fair, but the way you live it makes a big difference on how you want your life to be. Build a foundation and you'll get the product what you want" .

11-15-11

Just had to make one of these to express my feelings or else i'll just blow up and die . well basically met this guy, talked to him, everything went great , now i feel insecure that he doesnt really like me the way i like him, he doesnt seem to care as much as i do. Maybe, it's just that he doesnt express his feelings much to other, or maybe it's just because he really doesnt care. Whatever it is, it's not good and my heart is hurting so bad thinking about it. I feel like expressing my true feelings to him, bother him and annoy him' so i say you know what, im just gonna leave this as it is, not do anything to it and see how it goes :).